If you ignore unhealthy tension there's a good chance eventually something will break. This is true for bodies, machines, teams, organisations and our planet.
The tension is there for a reason. It is feedback that something isn’t quite right. Sometimes the tension is visible, sometimes audible, and sometimes felt. It is a message carrier providing clues for where the system needs help.
In the domain of leadership, I call this the tension compass. The tension might be between people, functions or departments. It might be in systems and process. The tension is guidance for leaders about where their energy and attention is required.
You have an internal and external tension compass
Your internal tension compass is that gut feeling, or the worry in your head keeping you awake at night. It’s the niggle of your internal chatter, and the conversation you know you need to have but are avoiding.
Your external tension compass is the repeated whispers in the kitchen and the corridor conversations with a certain candour. It’s the friction in your team, and the elephant in the room. It's the fault lines that are opening between layers of your organisation. There is always tension to notice.
Leaders are paid to make things happen. This means engaging with tension and having difficult conversations. Difficult conversations are uncomfortable and it can be easier to avoid them. However, if conversations are avoided and tension unattended, eventually something is going to break down.
Engaging in tension requires a deliberate act of openness and curiosity. It’s about inquiry, listening and learning. It’s about seeing a problem as information rather than as something to fix.
You can experiment with tension by
Remaining present with reality rather than denying, pretending or defending in the hope for safety and security.
Letting life be life. Being in the experience of life and letting it be a guide (much like a compass).
Recognising your fears and vulnerabilities while trusting your resilience, resourcefulness, and the process of change and evolution.
Engaging with tension and difficult conversations as a leader is largely about confidence. This isn’t given enough credence in executive development programs. While expanding your knowledge is important, it is meaningless in an organisation context, without application.
The practice of doing, reviewing, learning and refining is where confidence and results come from. The more you practise engaging in tension, the more you feel safer in navigating uncertainty.
(Focusing on Your Felt Sense)
Accessing the internal tension compass is about stopping and creating space to listen to the niggles, chatter and feedback of your body-based wisdom. The answers are within. You experience this as a felt sense.
A practice to get you started:
Find a quiet space where you won’t be interrupted
Ground yourself through 6-10 deep breaths
Connect to your feelings (your felt sense)
Notice where your thoughts and feelings go when you ask the questions:
What is bothering me about work at the moment?
What seems to be asking for my energy and attention?
What am I avoiding?
What conversations do I need to have?
(Noticing the Hotspots)
Accessing the external tension compass is about being present and noticing all the hotspots in your organisation. Noticing the unspoken tension between people and functions. Noticing the friction in relationships and seemingly competing departmental objectives. You will probably be aware of many already. They are the elephants in the room.
A tool to get you noticing:
Use the Coaching Compass to figure out what conversations you need to have, with who, and what they need to be about. And in the process recognise any areas of resistance you may need to overcome.
The Coaching Compass has four parts to it:
Stakeholder Mapping
Hotspots
Missing Conversations
Triggers
It helps you:
Identify the most important relationships relative to your role and what you are trying to achieve
Recognise relationship gaps. - i.e. relationships that need to improve for progress
Begin to consider how you are going to bridge the gaps
Identifying the missing conversations - i.e. the conversations you are avoiding or need to have
Name the areas of your business that most need your energy and attention (Hotspots)
Recognise where you have resistance to certain people (Triggers)
Recognise where you have resistance to certain conversations (Triggers)
Become aware of areas where you may benefit from getting some coaching/development