1. Knowing that you are not like others. We know this and then forget. The only person who sees the world like you, is you.
2. Accepting that you don’t see the world accurately: Your eyes do not see, rather they are proton receptors that send information to your brain. Your brain then interprets that information referencing maps and models you have previously built. For safety and efficiency a level of distortion and generalisation happens.
3. Understanding that you don’t see the world fully. In addition to the above generalisation and distortion, your brain deletes a massive amount of available information. It feels like the full picture to you, but it really isn’t.
4. Getting curious about the above and engaging with it as a more productive way forward. If you know that your brain is kind of playing tricks on you, it's a good idea to get really curious about what others see, and about their perception of events. This is part of the reason why many heads are better than one.
5. Availability to be challenged, and inviting the same. If you and I always agree, then one of us is unnecessary :-). Healthy disagreement leads to creativity. Creativity leads to better solutions.
6. Ability to listen. Listening for understanding, relationship and learning, rather than waiting for your turn to speak. The ability to listen is the most powerful aspect of communicating effectively. It is perhaps what defines good leaders from the rest.
7. Ability to have adult to adult conversations. Having adult to adult conversations means leaving your ego at the door. It means you need to be aware of your hooks, triggers and default positions. It means attempting to be present rather than in a story.
8. Living the belief that vulnerability equals courage. Think about who you choose as your leaders. Not necessarily the people with the title, but those you respect. My guess is they are very human and comfortably uncomfortable with vulnerability. I bet this makes you want to be braver yourself.
9. Providing psychological safety for those you work for, and with. When we feel safe we open up. From a neuroscience perspective, being safe means we can fully access our prefrontal cortex - the bit of our brain that does the clever stuff. This is why trust matters so much.
10. Being present to reality, rather than stuck in a story. Do you ever consider how much of your life is spent in a story about the past or the future? If we are in a story we are already biased.
11. Being kindly honest. I hear a lot of people say they need to be brutally honest. Instead, what kind of conversations might open up from being kindly honest?
12. Leaning into difficult conversations. Perhaps this should be in every leader's job description. As a leader you move value via your ability to communicate. Leaning into difficult conversations is your job. There is an irony here - leaders who can navigate this territory earn respect. Leaning into difficult conversations builds stronger relationships that lead to better results.