The pattern of being you, at least in terms of your more challenging behaviours, starts with emotions that get stuck. When emotion gets stuck, when it is left unprocessed, that’s where the trouble begins. The issue is in the tissue! Sometimes emotion gets stuck for an hour. Sometimes a day. Sometimes it gets stuck for decades. 

The patterns of stuckness build an armour designed to keep you safe and promote your success. Often we call these patterns ‘personality’, but it’s not really who you are. It’s more the layers of the human onion you have built for your safety and success. 

They become part of who you are, but they are not who you really are. Certainly not who you are at your core. In safety [defence] mode these patterns can turn up as behaviours like being clever, manipulative, righteous, seductive, superior, flippant, arrogant and so on. In success [strengths] mode these behaviours can turn up as creativity, insight, charm, humour, care, capability…

On a bad day, when something triggers you into behaviours you’re not proud of -  if you took the time to feel the real feelings behind the behaviour, you might become aware of emotions like anger, sadness, fear, threat, guilt, shame, uncertainty. These emotions describe what you are defending. But actually, it’s more likely you ignore the real emotion in favour of some sort of distraction.

Being stuck by, or blind to the patterns of your behaviour limits your leadership. It’s like you're in a personality prison that you don't even know is there. Self-awareness is how the emotion begins to get unstuck. it's how you become aware of your personality prison and how to manage it differently. One thing that can help is naming the emotions you experience, and then understanding why they manifest in you the way they do. 

When leaders do this kind of work, they get to be more present, supportive and productive. They form better relationships, have more useful conversations and get better results.

A good vehicle for exploring this work is called The 5 Character Structure. The 5 Character Structures is a fantastic workshop to run for senior leadership teams where you get to learn about each other's strengths and challenges in a way that connects you for more productive team working.

Part 2: Understanding the Pattern of You

Part 3: Your Diamond Life