Soft Skills

Why do we Call Soft Skills ‘Soft’ When they Can be so Hard?

Do you ever find yourself thinking my job would be a lot easier if it wasn’t for the people! Actually, on a good day people are probably your highs. It’s just that on a bad day, the number and combination of conversations can be overwhelming. Especially when some of them are unpredictable and emotionally loaded.

Makes you wonder why we call soft skills soft when they can be so hard!

It can be easier to pretend to not notice the conversations you really need to have. And it can be easier to say nothing than risk taking a position. Difficult conversations are called difficult for a reason. They are easier to avoid, at least in the short term!

As a social species whose success is contingent upon the ability to cooperate, you are evolved to worry about breaking harmony and belonging with the tribe. What if you get it wrong or say something stupid? What if you really upset someone in your team, or it ends in conflict? What if it looks like you don’t know what you're doing in front of senior colleagues? What if they realise you’re an imposter? What if opening your mouth derails your career!

There are a lot of what-ifs! The uncertainty around where a conversation might lead can easily prevent you from having it. You will also have collected some evidence in favour of letting sleeping dogs lie, or letting time course-correct on your behalf.

Why Leaders Avoid Difficult Conversations

Here are the top seven reasons (according to Cranfield University), why leaders avoid difficult conversations…

Insufficient knowledge of others’ agenda and views
Your perception of the others inability to discuss difficult issues
Fear of uncontrolled emotions
Assuming you need the answer to ask the question
Prejudging the answer
Fear of surprises
Lacking confidence in a productive outcome

So instead of having the difficult conversations you get lost in your workload and the demands of constant change. Or you stay in your comfort zone and avoid rocking the boat. You have plenty of meetings and things are moving along, but you know there are deeper issues that you’re not addressing.

Unfortunately, avoiding these issues will likely prevent you from being considered for the next level of leadership. These are the issues your organisation needs to resolve, because resolving these issues accelerates progress and productivity.

If you're honest, it’s not a great feeling avoiding things that need to be said. Inside you start to feel a bit stuck, the issues take up space in your brain and deplete your energy. Your confidence declines while your stress increases. Eventually the safety of not leaning in will become a problem itself.

A leader's inability to communicate is an organisation's biggest constraint. A leader's ability to communicate is an organisation's biggest accelerator.

Choice Point

That brings you to a choice point. You can lock in here and accept the status quo and the comfort of the zone you're in. It’s all about finding your level! Or you can lean in and develop your skill and confidence with leadership.

The latter choice is for people who want to make a difference. For people who want to grow, and want to grow others. It's for those courageous enough to look in the mirror.

It’s also for people tired of holding back because of worrying about looking stupid, saying something silly, believing you won't be listened to, getting it wrong, getting into conflict or breaking relationships. It's for people who want to experience the best of who they are, and don't want unanswered questions about who they could have been.

It's for leaders who want to get invited to the senior table and solve bigger problems, and to be recognised and rewarded for doing so. It's for people who want to go to the next level in your leadership and life.

The 'Soft' Stuff is Learnable!

The good news is the ‘soft stuff’ is totally learnable. The surprise might be that it is your relationship to yourself that has to change first. Figuring out the soft stuff paves the way to better relationships, better conversations, and better results. It also leads to a better life all round.

Learning the soft stuff isn't perhaps what you imagine. It certainly isn’t a game of perfect. It can be messy and chaotic at times and always necessarily human. I think this is actually what puts a lot of people off. I would argue it’s where the real satisfaction is!

What emerges is a clear recognition of how people are central to success for any leader. Better results and solutions are only going to happen through and with other people. Leadership is about co-creating, So you need to get expert at genuinely connecting to others and having real conversations.

It’s people and relationships that make us human. Success and fulfilment are an inevitable byproduct when we get real. It is 100% possible to be you, have the success and life you want, while making a real difference in your chosen field and to the people’s lives you touch.

Leaning In

If you’d like some help with how to go about learning the soft stuff, take a look at this free resource…

Leaning In - A Roadmap for Developing Skill and Confidence in Leadership

Email me and I’ll send you a copy. Alternatively download it here...

Free Download