In a related article - Noise in the System - I discuss how tension can be a gift for a leader. It lets you know where your energy and attention are required. This article looks at how to access your internal tension (your body based wisdom)...
I hit the wall this week. I’ve just moved into a new house and as exciting as that is, it also created lots of things to take care of on top of a busy workload. I am also training for a few triathlons and trying to be consistent with that.
Currently in New Zealand we have some Covid restrictions. Mostly in Auckland but they are affecting the rest of the country. A race I was targeting got cancelled and it really frustrated me.
Now I know this isn’t a real issue. If not being able to do some events and being a bit restricted for domestic travel is the extent of my pandemic challenge then I really need to be grateful. But it put me in a bit of a spin.
I am always susceptible to falling into the ‘Doers’ strategy. I find a certain comfort in making goals, to do lists, getting busy doing. Doers tend to avoid unwelcome feelings by absorbing themselves in tasks. Doers often need to slow down to speed up!
The same - only different, is the ‘Thinkers’ strategy. Attempting a unifying theory of everything, again for the purpose of feeling safer and avoiding unwelcome feelings.
If either strategy sound like you, maybe it’s time to stop and feel your feelings.
Talking to trusted people about what you're feeling helps. There is plenty of encouragement and guidance for that on various media platforms right now. I want to offer something different and additional.
For the record, there is nothing inherently wrong with doing or thinking. In leadership it’s how you make the right things happen.
There is however, this third aspect sometimes referred to as intuition and being emotionally intelligent. It is the bit that is guided by feelings. Our goal is to become trilingual in doing, thinking and feeling.
We have body-based wisdom. That’s stating the obvious for the Feelers of the world, but it can be a blind spot for Thinkers and Doers. Many psychologists will tell you that emotions exist to force a decision. Emotions bring information that help direct us. Learning to access the wisdom in our feelings can be liberating and powerful.
Eugene Gendlin developed a practice called Focusing, for ‘going in’ and receiving some body based wisdom. Although it is better to be led through this process, it’s possible to self-coach.
What follows is the bones of a coaching process I use with myself and others. I used it this week and it helped. It is not set in stone, rather a good starting place to learn the technique.
1. Clear a space
Sit comfortable and take some deep breaths. Close your eyes if it helps.
Ask internally - what’s between me and feeling fine?
Don’t answer; let what comes in your body do the answering.
Don’t go into anything. Just recognise the feeling and accept it is there.
Greet each concern that comes.
2. Felt Sense
Pick one problem to focus on.
Don’t go into the problem.
What do you sense in your body when you sense the whole of that problem?
The sense of the whole thing, the murky discomfort or the unclear body-sense of it.
3. Get a handle
What is the quality of the felt sense.
What one word, phrase, or image comes out of this felt sense?
What quality-word would fit it best?
4. Resonate
Go back and forth between word (or image) and the felt sense.
Repeat the sensation of matching several times.
If the felt sense changes, follow it with your attention.
When you get a perfect match, the words (images) being just right for this feeling, let yourself feel that for a minute.
5. Ask
What is it, about the whole problem, that makes me so [description of felt sense]?
When stuck, ask questions:
What is the worst of this feeling?What’s really so bad about this?
What does it need?
What should happen?
Don’t answer; wait for the feeling to stir and give you an answer.
Let the body answer
6. Receive
Welcome what came. Be glad it spoke.
What learning is there for you?
It is only one step on this problem, not the last.
Now that you know where it is, you can leave it and come back to it later.
Does your body want another round of focusing, or is this a good stopping place?
What have you become aware of through Focusing today?
If you’d like to explore this more fully in a guided one to one session then get in touch
Matt helps leaders and teams develop their mindset and resourcefulness so they can relate productively, communicate effectively, and navigate challenge, change and complexity with confidence.
Through coaching and training, he empowers leaders with better choices and more options for progress - building better leadership from the inside out.
Curious what that could look like for you or your organisation? Let’s talk.