Grown Ups

Being The Grown Up
Leadership often requires you to be the grown up. Especially when there has been a breakdown. Somebody has to make the first move and start the conversation. It’s probably going to have to be you.

Here’s a question for you. In situations where the other person has initiated the conversation that needs to happen, do you not wish it was you that had? That feeling arrives because you recognise the courage and maturity it took.

Compromised Leadership

Compromised leadership is where leaders are unwilling to engage with each other. There’s been a falling out over some kind of disagreement. It may not even have been verbalised - often it’s not.

The worst form of this is where you are polite to each other face to face, but have withdrawn your contribution and are withholding resources and support. Nothing is moving.

Our organisations are littered with compromised leadership. And it’s not just the leadership that’s compromised. Compromised leadership affects everyone and everything connected to it.

Accelerator and Brakes

Organisation life can be a bit of a roller coaster. There are highs and lows in how engaged you are. It’s a series of successes and challenges - lots of them to do with people. The journey is shaped by relational bumps and bruises that can consume and fatigue you.

I have noticed that the roller coaster of being engaged and disengaged is mostly to do with these relational bumps and bruises.

The danger is that you run out of runway to go again. To find the motivation and willingness to engage one more time. Often this is when you (or a teammate or colleague) go to a new job. It's not that the problems will be different, it’s just that it can be easier to find renewed energy for fresh relationships.

From an organisation perspective it’s a story of accelerator and brakes. When leaders within a business are engaged and communicating effectively, it’s foot on the accelerator - there is forward momentum and progress is being made.

When they are not, the system is operating with the brakes on - momentum slows or halts and very little is moving. The restriction of broken relationships and contaminated conversations is an organisation's biggest enemy.

Closure / Non-closure

You have an unresolved issue (non-closure). You need to get to closure so you can move forward again.

Closure is how you bring a chapter to a close. It’s how you clean up issues and put the past in the past. It’s how you make meaning and create space for future performance and relationship. When you know things are still messy and unresolved you have non-closure.

Non-closure contaminates relationships and communication. It’s nagging and noisy and takes up space in your mind. It amplifies your emotion and feeds the worst version of the stories you’ve created. Worst of all it wastes your energy. Energy you could be spending on getting the results you want.

Tricky first sentences

In my experience of difficult conversations, it’s the first sentence that’s the tricky part.

It usually comes out wobbly, clunky and a bit awkward.

Here’s the thing… You don’t have to get the first sentence ‘right.’ The first sentence is about getting the conversation started.

You are allowed to say; “Can I try that again? It didn't quite come out right but I really want to have a conversation with you about…”

By the time you’ve done that, often the other person knows exactly what the conversation is about and is impressed and relieved that you started it.

Let your first sentences be a bit throw-away. Trust yourself to navigate back on course when they aren’t perfect. Know that this will take you to a better place.

Are you ready to be the grown-up? Here’s a readiness checklist…

The Grown Up Checklist

I'm ready to sit with you rather than opposite you
I'm willing to put the problem on the table (rather than between us or on you)
I'm ready to listen and understand
I’m ready to assume positive intent
I accept I may not fully understand the issue
I can hold you accountable without needing to blame
I am open to owning my part without defending my position
I am ready to make a commitment to what works
I am ready to make progress
I am ready to explore growth and opportunity
I can model the vulnerability and openness that I expect to see from you

Clear Lines

When leaders take responsibility for closing off chapters in their relationships with colleagues through quality communication, they create clean lines of communication and begin to make their organisations much more efficient and productive.

Three Game Changing Communication Strategies for Leaders

Email me for your copy of Three Game Changing Communication Strategies for Leaders.

The free resource includes:

Why leaders really avoid difficult conversations
What avoiding difficult conversations is costing you
The 3 game changing communication strategies for leaders
Bonus content on building trust

Video Lesson: Resolve an Impasse