I decided to try one of those meal-kit companies. You know the ones - they deliver to your door with the recipes and all the ingredients. It served a purpose for a little while. I got some time back and some new ideas for meals. I cancelled the service for a variety of reasons… specific reasons.
To their credit the company concerned attempted to entice me back with special offers and discounts. Also to their credit they rang me to get my feedback.
The man who called set the call up nicely… He asked my permission, let me know it would take less than 5 minutes, and appealed to my sense of contribution by thanking me in advance for helping improve their business.
And then this happened
He had three questions he wanted responses to. I had very specific feedback I wanted to give. Those two conversations found no place to meet. It was frustrating and unsatisfying. Perhaps for both of us.
I could bang on here about how this food-kit company scored an own goal. That I left frustrated, unlistened to and less likely to return to their brand. I could be critical of the interviewer for not recognising an opportunity, or creating space for receiving feedback that might make a difference.
Receiving feedback can be made easier by being specific about what we want feedback on. For example, I might say;
“I am currently working on listening while I’m receiving feedback. Can you give me some feedback on how well I’m listening while you give me feedback.”
In social psychology this is called a schema of reference. It helps to make sure that the listener is paying attention to what the person communicating wants them to hear. (Sidenote: this matters in lots of conversations - not just feedback conversations). In this example I am then more likely to get feedback that is useful to the thing I’m motivated to work on.
Additionally because I have asked for this feedback I am already open to it and I am able to hear it without my defences going up. Furthermore I am likely to appreciate the input another is prepared to give, because I will perceive their input as a contribution. At the very least I will remind myself to take it onboard.
In the food-kit feedback scenario, if the interviewer had contextualised the call by naming specifically what they were taking feedback on, it might have helped to manage my expectations and experience.
I could have taken some responsibility for helping him understand I had feedback I wanted to give. I’m guessing he would have had a script to follow and a timeframe to keep to. There is something to notice here about that being restrictive, but never-the-less I could have asked;
“Will there be an opportunity to provide feedback that’s not part of your questions? I cancelled my order for some specific reasons, do you think that might be useful for the business?
I’m wondering about the training he got in preparation for these calls. So many of these calls, which I acknowledge are difficult to land, are literally a script to follow. It might have been beneficial for this guy to know that he had permission to go off piste.
What gets missed when we are overly prescriptive in our communication?
What prescriptive processes in your organisation lose more information than they gain?
I try to stay out of discussion about what’s true. Other than death and taxes I don’t know much about the truth. Most of everything is perspective and perception, or a theory we haven’t been able to break yet!
I am really aware of this in coaching. Without feedback from others in the system like a boss, or teammates, it is too easy to coach a person on their version of how they see themselves. At work we need to be more interested in how others are experiencing us.
I wonder how this applies to the food-kit company. How do they know if what they are seeking feedback on will even make a difference to sales and success. I have to admit it felt to me like the feedback they wanted was partly about avoiding solving the difficult problems.
If we truly want to grow, we have to invite the difficult stuff.
Their questions were about value for money, delivery timings and recipe satisfaction. The feedback I wanted to provide was about the amount of packaging and overly complicated meals that have too many sauces.
How many of your conversations have a listening agenda?
How many of the people you are having those conversations with have a listening agenda?
How might your conversations find a better place to meet?
Matt helps leaders and teams develop their mindset and resourcefulness so they can relate productively, communicate effectively, and navigate challenge, change and complexity with confidence.
Through coaching and training, he empowers leaders with better choices and more options for progress - building better leadership from the inside out.
Curious what that could look like for you or your organisation? Let’s talk.